Next Time Around

So here I again. But this time around, I am not angry or bitter. This time around I am just sad. But only because I know that this is my fault. This time around, I don't wish her any pain and suffering I just want her to be happy. And I want her to find someone that will make her feel safe, comfy, and loved. But not too soon of course cause then it would be like last time and I will be bitter and stuff. But I also would like for her to forgive me because I'm a MESS. Yes, this is short but I'm just so sleepy and a little sad. So next time around, I'll stop myself from being so intense and maybe I'll find lasting love. Next time around, I'll be a better partner. Next time. She'll always be what I pray for.

Doubtless

Regardless of the past, I still hold onto you.
Our history has shown that me trusting you is a bad idea. It is hard to tell whether the icky feeling in my gut is intuition or anxiety. I want to believe the sweet nothings you feed to me in my semi-lucid state. How can one person cause so much confusion and distress?

Passionless love consumes me whole.
Wondering if I am making the right choices is my mind's top priority. Should I let myself fall in love? Why am I withholding it in the first place? Can I handle a life built on settling for comfort? I ask myself every day without an answer. 

Loveless lies are wicked.
I don't love you. True or false?
You don't occupy my world. True or false?
I am afraid of losing you. True or false?
I am afraid of losing control. True or false?
I am afraid. True. 

Senseless tension guides us.
Fearlessly loving.
Powerless dreaming.
Hopelessly making promises we know we can't keep. 
Regardless of the consequences.
I love you.